Whiskey is the New Vodka

Thought I'd pop out and see Rocknrolla tonight. Have I seen this movie before? Indeed, I have, only it was called Layer Cake, and instead of being directed by Matthew Vaughn, it was directed by his close friend Guy Ritchie. Ritchie even had the cheek to film part of his movie at Stoke Park House, one of the same places that Layer Cake was filmed at. These two movies have a lot of other similarities too, like dishonest accountants and stuff. Don't get me wrong, this was a good movie. This is a story than can be told over and over again and it never gets old.

Of course the cast helped. Starring Gerard Butler as One Two, Thandie Newton as Stella, Jimi Mistry as the Councillor, and Tom Hardy as Handsome Bob. Hardy, by the way, also starred in Layer Cake. Newton plays the role of a 30 year old accountant. Really? Not even the best makeup artist in the world could make her look 30. Jeremy Piven and Ludacris feature in the film as two talent managers. There's just so many awesome actors in this movie, I wouldn't know where to end - Idris Elba as Mumbles, Toby Kebbell as Johnny Quid the Rocknrolla, Karel Roden as Uri, Mark Strong as Archie, and Tom Wilkinson as Lenny. Toby Kebbell looks exactly like Bobby did ten yers ago, except Bobby's beard is a little thicker. I had to give my head a shake a few times. Thanks to Toby, or at least the fight co-ordinator, I will never look at a pencil in the same way again. Karel Roden, you may remember was first introduced to this blog when I reviewed Running Scared. He played the John Wayne loving Russian immigrant. Mark Strong pulls off a good, clean tough. He was also in Revolver, another one of Guy Ritchie's films. Haven't seen that one. Tom Wilkinson makes any movie good. I think he may have done a better job than Sir Michael Gambon did in Layer Cake. Would somebody please give Idris Elba a starring role in a movie already? A good one, too. I would pay to see it, and bet that a lot of other people would too. There was another guy who didn't get credit, and I don't really believe his character because I'm pretty sure Kevlar vests aren't designed to take rapid fire from a machine gun, but anyway he was good, too. I heard it through the grapevine that his name is Alex Kovas. It's strange that he wouldn't get credit because he did have a speaking part. Although his lines weren't in English. That shouldn't make a difference.

So I made it to the theatre while they were still running the previews. I see that one of my old clients has a new movie due out next year. I probably won't see it, and I'm guessing not a lot of people will. Too bad, but knowing him he's probably got a few more films in the can already. I also see that Michael Bay has been very busy since Transformers. He's got The Unborn scheduled soon, and a Friday the 13th thingy coming out on Friday, February 13, 2009. Maybe it won't suck, but a lot of the audience were already not impressed. Why doesn't Jason just die already?

So what can I say about Rocknrolla? Good music, including a little General Public and The Clash. Gerard Butler sports a little Scottish accent. I'm not sure if that was a put on or if its his real accent. I didn't see 300. The story, like any other Guy Ritchie movie that I know of, has a plot and then it has a sub-plot. The two plots come together to some degree. In this one, I'm not sure the two plots met flush. They met, but not at the climax of the film. Get me?

Okay, so these two guys, Mumbles and One Two buy a piece of land for like 10 million pounds, but since they have criminal records they can't get a bank loan for it. Instead, they get it from Lenny, a loan shark among other things. The guys can't get zoning permission for the lot, so they're left with a pile of bricks. Lenny isn't very happy about this and takes over the lot and adds another 2 million in juice to the deal. It was actually Lenny who screwed Mumbles and One Two on the deal in the first place. He bribed the Councillor to deny the permit, and then took over the land.

I'm not sure if it's related, but Lenny gets involved with a wealthy Russian, loosely modelled after Roman Abramovich, owner of Chelsea Football Club. Or perhaps another billionaire football club owner who hung around F1 for awhile, Alex Schnaider. Either way, this Russian wants a permit to build a new football stadium and he needs Lenny's skills. He makes a deal for 7 million Euros, and offers to lend a beautiful painting to Lenny. He only lends it because the painting, which we never see by the way, is also lucky.

Not long after, the painting is stolen and the race is on to find out who stole it. Lenny threatens a few guys with nasty crayfish, and they tell him that Johnny Quid is the one who offered the painting to them for sale. What? Johnny Quid is dead, according to an article in the Daily Mail or some other newspaper. It doesn't suit Lenny that these two punks are having him on. Anyway, the hunt is now on for Johnny Quid.

Off we go to see an unconvincingly young, but still hot Thandie Newton as Stella arrange to rip off the couriers who are handling the 7 mil. She's the Russian's accountant, and she needs a little excitement in her life because her husband is gay. She calls her boyfriend and tells him about the rip and wants twenty percent. Her boyfriend is One Two and he needs the money to pay back Lenny. See? Classic Ritchie. Mumbles and One Two grab the dosh and off they go. Now the Russian is getting upset. He doesn't have his lucky painting anymore and he thinks that is the reason he lost his money.

At this time, there is an opportunity to find out who has been feeding information to the police about all these guys who meet at a particular club. Stella's gay husband is a lawyer, and he's having a gay party and Stella wants One Two to send his gay friends, if he has any, over. A party is a party and One Two shows up with a few of his buddies and sees one of his gay friends there. I won't say which, you'll have to see it to find out. At the party, One Two convinces his gay friend to chat up the lawyer husband and make a deal for witness papers that will show who the confidential informant is. Eventually, they get it but its a pseudonym so they're still fucked.

Johnny Quid isn't dead, he just wants to get high in peace. Lenny tracks down the two talent managers and puts a bit of a squeeze on them. He threatens to close their club unless they help him find Johnny. They think he's dead, but Lenny convinces them to try harder. Archie, Lenny's second in command is out following leads on the painting as well. One Two pays off the 2 million that he owes to Lenny and gets another call from Stella about a second delivery. The Russian still owes Lenny 7 million, and this time he's not sending a couple of accountants to handle the money. He's got some really hard Chechnyans to handle it. This time, Mumbles and One Two get the third man of their gang, Handsome Bob in on the job. They get the money, but not before they are clearly identified by the Chechnyans, and get the shit kicked out of them.

One Two pays Stella her twenty percent, but now the Russian is really mad. He takes Lenny out to Stoke Park and knee caps him with a sand wedge. I knew it was coming, but I was surprised it was the knee cap. I thought it would be the head. Lenny never did get planning permission for the site, the Councillor couldn't get it approved possibly because his cut of the 7 mil didn't show. Meanwhile, remember that painting? Johnny Quid's got it. See? He's actually Lenny's stepson and has an extra set of keys to the house. He really hates Lenny, so he nicked the painting when no one was looking. His friend discovers that people are looking for the painting and tries to cash in. Johnny doesn't approve and gives a soliloquy relating cigarettes to life. Then his friend invites two drug addict thieves around to the squat where he lives and once again, Johnny is not impressed. While he takes his friend into another room to tell him that he doesn't want people to know where he is, the two thieves take off with the painting. They take it back to a club where Cookie, played by Matt King, buys it no questions asked. I'm not sure why, but Cookie gives the painting to One Two as a gift to his girlfriend Stella.

Archie finds out that One Two and Mumbles are the ones behind the courier robberies, and he goes around to One Two's place to bring him to an appointment with Lenny. He interrupts the two Chechnyans who are about to slice up One Two. Four shots. A few moments later, Mumbles and Handsome Bob show up with the court papers and get taken around to see Lenny as well. The two talent managers find Johnny Quid and bring him to the warehouse where Lenny keeps his menacing crayfish. All accounted for, everybody who's not dead is at the warehouse. Johnny Quid lets rip about how his stepfather is the police informant. He sent all of his people down to teach them a lesson I guess. Because of him, One Two and Mumbles couldn't get the bank loan to buy the building. Hmmm, this guy does his preparation. He even sent his most loyal employee down for four years. Lenny, in a wheelchair, shoots Quid in the stomach, and tells his junior thug to take him and the two music dudes out of the place. Back to them in a minute.

The Russian visits Stella, and wants her to run away with him. His assistant is suspicious of Stella because she is the only other person who knew the details of both couriers. The Russian doesn't want to hear it. Of course, Stella spurns him and as he turns to leave, he sees the painting. He calls his assistant who is waiting outside and that's the last we see of them. Back in the lift, the junior man and another are escorting Johnny and the two music guys out to a car. Johnny explains to the music guys what is about to happen, and warns them about what to do. They shoot both of the bad dudes, and Johnny dispatches two more waiting outside the lift. That's the last we see of a badly injured Johnny and the other two. Or is it?

Back in the warehouse, Handsome Bob gives up the court papers to Archie who reads them and immediately recognizes the pseudonym as a name he saw in Lenny's files years earlier. Judging by Lenny's reaction at the time, Archie figures that Lenny is the snitch. One Two, Mumbles and Handsome Bob are now out of the warehouse and Archie wraps Lenny's wheelchair to a winch and lowers him into a great big yucky jambalaya of crayfish and other Thames goodness.

So now Archie is on top of the Layer Cake, oh sorry, wrong movie. Anyway, he's at the top of the heap and he awaits the arrival of a newly-sober Johnny Quid. They embrace, and Johnny steals Archie's gun. For a quick moment, I was expecting an ending like Layer Cake, but it was not to be. Johnny playfully handles the gun as Archie presents him with a welcome home gift. Johnny announces that he wants to follow in his stepfather's, and Archie's footsteps. So the moral of the story here kids, is that no matter how much a son hates his father and tries to do everything differently from his father, the son is destined to become the father. Not really, but that's just a little something I took away from it. There is no real moral, so don't go looking for one. Just sit back in your high-backed reclining seats with extra legroom in the large screen cinema and enjoy the movie.

The end credits suggest that Johhny and/or Archie and the boys will be back in Rocknrolla 2. I'm pretty sure that's not meant to be serious.

Hamilton Does It, and a Movie of Course

Okay... So just in case you missed it, and slept in like I did - here are the results. Closer than I would have imagined. And on the final lap, would you believe?

F1 News > Hamilton is World Champion!

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On a tenuously related note, I happened to watch a movie filmed in Macau last night. See, Macau hosts, or hosted I'm not sure which, a junior formula race which holds a lot of prestige and had been the race to watch for the future of F1. I think Michael Schumacher was the last racer of note to win it. But anyway the movie is not about racing and follows a pretty formulaic set up for Cantonese films, as follows:

1) Find a Cantopop singer who hasn't made too many films before, if any.

2) Write a script which gives the singer ample opportunity to showcase their singing talents. To make the movie really score with audiences, make the plot about a singer in some way. Note that this plot is not necessary.

3) Title the movie after the singer. This will put bums in seats. Even after the singer's star has faded, the movie will serve to generate new fans as younger audiences age.

And so it was. Yi sa bui lai or Isabella if you try to sound it out using Spanish phonemes, stars Isabella Leong the requisite Cantopop singer and Chapman To the actual talent. I just want to say that I hope this film is in no way autobiographical for Leong. Otherwise, ouch. This wasn't her first film, and she seems to have an acting ability, but I say that To is the actual talent because that's his career.

I'm not going to do a chronology of this film. Instead, just broad strokes to illustrate the plot. Apparently, Macau was rife with gangsters and smugglers before the handover in 1999, but that might just be Central Committee propaganda for all I know. To plays an ex-cop who becomes a smuggler to make a decent living and still live the high life. Leong plays a teenager who has just lost her mother, never knowing her father, and who is prone to embellishing stories. She ends up with To, and somehow realizes that he is her long lost father, or so she is lead to believe. To, for his part, believes it at first too but when he discovers that he is not, he goes along with it anyway to protect the real father who is also his boss. The film focuses on the growth of the relationship between To and Leong, and the dialogue is not really important. I actually liked the pauses because it allowed the soundtrack to take over. A close imitation, you might even say rip-off of Vladimir Cosma's Sentimental Walk is repeatedly heard throughout. Or at least the opening riff.

To realizes that he is going to prison, and must somehow explain to Leong that they are not going to run away together which is what she believes. He nonchalantly explains to her, over a bowl of noodles that he is not her father and that he's got to go down on the charges. Leong is crushed, but she gets over it pretty quickly I guess because she decides to wait for To to be released from prison. The film doesn't go that far, but at the end of it Leong is no longer a girl trying to find her identity. She has become comfortable with who she is. Anyway, I liked the music and the scenery around Macau.