Is that Pounds or Dollars?

People used to laugh when I said that I knew a guy... It was my answer for everything, but its true. Ali only had to mention it once that she wants to go to London - done done and done. One e-mail later and a guy I know has got a 4-bedroom house in London lined up for three months in summer. Of course, it helped that I mentioned whom Ali's dad is. "Alright, I can bring it down to 1500 clams a week, mate. But that's the goin' rate. I've got to make a living, sonny". Now the only question is of passports. Which one should I use, and will it still be valid come July?

Ali and I hit a Wimpy's on Monday night. She'd never been and I wanted something absolutely fatty. I made it up to her the next night though. I learned a few things this week. Like, its really hard to remove blood from a carpet but more importantly Hollywood remakes of foreign films really suck. Especially when they're remakes of mediocre foreign films. Last summer, when I worked in the dungeon I saw Shall We Dance? starring Richard Gere, and Jennifer Lopez. The dungeon was the best place to watch movies because there was no natural light at all. No windows, nada luz. We used to watch movies on our lunch hours over two days. When I saw that movie, I asked myself why they bothered. I learned that it was a remake of the Japanese film by the same name made about eight years previous. That was a fact I seemed to forget come Monday. Ali was fairly non-committal when we were at the video shop, so I grabbed the Japanese version because I remember when it came out it got a lot of press and a certain someone couldn't stop talking about all the famous people in it. I was skeptical, and I should have been.

The first problem with this movie, or should I say the Hollywood version, is that its a straight scene-for-scene rip off of the Japanese film. A little updating or a little variation in the story doesn't cost a lot and it really doesn't hurt. I guess Hollywood isn't concerned that it has quite a few hacks working in the big studios. I was so bored that I fell asleep. It's really not interesting when you know exactly what happens next. The saving grace of the original is that the main character Sugiyama is played by Kôji Yakusho, the same guy who plays the gangster host in Tampopo. The story doesn't really go anywhere, and the lukewarm non-romance between Sugiyama and the prima donna doesn't add to the plot. So why did they decide to remake this film? Good question.

I corrected the Wimpy's thing Tuesday by taking Ali out for dinner. She digs the spontaneity, so while I waited at the shop I bought a bottle of wine for later. It turns out Ali doesn't drink wine or beer because they're both so strong. And yet she downs G&Ts like water. I've got to figure that out. But after a glass of merlot we tried our luck at the second restaurant opened by some local talent who happens to have his own cooking show and has allegedly appeared on Iron Chef (the actual show, not the new version). I'm not sure if he won or lost. Either way, he's laughing all the way to the bank. Now it must be said that his cuisine is pretty good. I might pay 16 bucks for a hamburger because they are just that good, but there is absolutely no way I'm going to stand in line for it. Like Alphonse used to say, "Whatever Dax, I don't do line ups". Another valuable lesson I learned from him. That's part of the spontaneous experience - you can't make reservations. It's pointless, especially when there is a perfectly good French restaurant three doors down - empty. We walked in and were spoiled pretty well. Ali said that this was the nicest restaurant she had visited while in my city. I could have told what she's missing, but I just let it go. My ex was also amazed at the places I would take her, but I guess that's not saying much because her previous dates consisted of being taken to fast food restaurants and the back seats of Lincoln Town Cars. No malice, I speak the truth. At least Ali wasn't so overcome by the splendor that she started to bawl like someone else. If only those other places existed today. In another life I guess.

We started with some hors d'oeuvres. Ali had dungeness crab cakes with avocado and asparagus. I would have had the same, but my tummy only likes asparagus the way Enzo makes. Instead, I had escargots in a basil cream sauce on croquettes with a mesclun salad. Both choices were different, no better or worse than what I usually have. For the main course and for a kick Ali had the beef stew. It happens to be her favourite, or so she says and I had the chicken and fries. There's a KFC across the street from this particular French restaurant, but the Colonel has got nothing on this chef. The chicken breast was seasoned and done perfectly. The skin was justcrispy enough, but the flesh itself was very tender. The vegetables were a delightful mix of carrots and snow peas, and the side of Belgian fries weren't salted to shit and mushy. Almost the best fries I've ever eaten. The chicken was dressed with a strong mushroom gravy and accompanied by morels. At first I didn't understand what all the fuss is over morels. In Ali's shop, they are on offer for $399.90/kg or a more manageable $39.99/100 grams. It's just fungus, people! I half expected a symphony in my mouth when I saw them on my plate, but it didn't happen. Ali told me to drink some water to get the taste of pastis off my tongue and try again. Ahhh. I understood. The flavour is very delicate, and texture plays a big part but I still won't pay $40.00 for shrooms.

The beef stew should not have been called beef stew. Beef stew should bow before this dish and proclaim itself unworthy of even being considered similar to this dish. Button mushrooms, pearl onions, maybe potatoes, tender white(!) beets and hunks of steak all swimming happily in a bowl of the best demi-glace you will ever find. We filled our boots pretty quickly, so much so that Ali tried to send her plate back half finished. Ah, tut tut. Let's see if they'll put that in a to-go dish. Splendid. The waiter came back with dessert menus. The dishes were fairly straight forward and we passed anyway because we were so full.

Perhaps the only let down of the night occurred when the waiter returned my credit card and asked me if I was from Quebec. I froze, and the pen dropped from my hand. It sounded like a thousand pens crashing to the floor or something. Ali braced herself. Wot?? Really! I mean what impudence! I beg your pardon! Do I sound like my mouth is full of marbles when I speak French? Well, I'll have you know... but before I could spring up and show him just how dangerous the dull edge of a credit card can be, he clarified himself by saying that he only asked because my credit card is backed by a Canadian bank. Touché. I regained my composure and picked up the pen.

Before we left, the waiter gave us a card which entitles us to win a trip to France if we dine at 3 other participating French restaurants - within the next 3 weeks. A challenge I cannot refuse. Ali went home without the leftovers, which I ostensibly kept to have for lunch the next day. But they just looked too good, and I ate them with the remaining half bottle of merlot. I felt so good about this place, I even encouraged my former boss to try it. Me so nice. It's in her neighbourhood. She said she'd walked by a few times but had never popped in. Too bad for her.