Topless for Mrs. Henderson, and for Summer Maybe

Three films in one! What more could you ask for? Well, a lot but my brain can only do so much.

A few weeks ago, Ali and I watched Mrs. Henderson Presents... starring Dame Judy Dench, Bob Hoskins and Christopher Guest, one of those dudes from Take That, Will Young I think, oh and that Mavis from Coronation Street a.k.a. Thelma Barlow. The story follows as such, Mrs. Henderson (Dench) loses her husband and can't decide what to do with all the money her husband left her. After some advice from a friend (Barlow), Mrs. Henderson decided to re-open a derelict theatre in London in the early 1930s. She can't run it herself, so she hires Vivian van Damm (Hoskins) to run it for her. van Damm says that he has to have 100% creative control which I think is a pretty good idea.

So the house opens with a fairly talented cast, as chosen by van Damm and Bertie (Young). I guess the cast wasn't that talented because the show flops, and van Damm scrambles to make sure that Henderson doesn't lose her investment. van Damm decides that the shows are going to run continuously, like nothing ever seen in London. Henderson, or it could have been the dancers, decides that the girls will perform topless. Afterall, that's the way they do it in Paris, and for some people like Mrs. Henderson, Paris is only a short flight away. There's a bit of a problem with Lord Cromer (Guest), who's in charge of deciding for all of England what is decent and what is not. He happens to be a friend of Henderson, so she sees nothing wrong with going straight to Cromer and getting him to approve the wardrobe change. So it unfolds, the cast members are rescreened and are judged on looks only, not acting or dancing talent. The ones judged to be more attractive are pulled out of the show and are instructed to pose nude as tableaus in the show. They can't move, or say anything but apparently there's a loophole in the decency laws which allows a person to pose nude as a living statue.

Mrs. Henderson and van Damm make really bad first impressions on one another, but it might be because Henderson is attracted to van Damm. Apparently he led her on (I can't see how) or made her appear foolish, because when van Damm's wife shows up to a cocktail party, Henderson storms out vowing never to return to the theatre. An aside - it was so obviously a cocktail party, but Henderson wouldn't call it that because as she put it, cocktail parties are so passé.

Henderson can't help herself. She cares about the dancers and can't bear to be away from her girls. She disguises herself rather badly and sneaks into the show to see what van Damm has been doing. Of course, she sticks out like a sore thumb and Vivian makes a fool out of her. She comes back dressed as a dancing bear, and completely fools van Damm. Things are sorted out and Henderson comes back to the house. Eventually, the public safety officials try to shut the theatre on account of the air raids, but theatre patrons are outraged and protest in the streets. Henderson convinces the Home Guard that the safest place for these people would probably be inside the theatre. And so the show went on.

At some point, Henderson explains why she chose to have nude dancers. Her own son, killed in the First World War, had apparently never seen a real, live, naked woman before, and she wanted to make sure that other soldiers didn't die without seeing one. How considerate of her. I'm not sure that explanation was needed for the film, but as it is based on real events, maybe it has some relevance. The theatre never closed during the war which is cool I guess. Henderson died a few years after and left the house to van Damm. Watching this film, I wondered how much of a role it played on the London theatre scene at the time. My gran was in London, and was the same age as the dancers, and probably could have worked in the theatres if she wanted to, but she didn't and more importantly, she never mentioned this plucky little theatre that didn't quit. My gran has her fair share of secrets, so maybe she did have jobs more interesting than the ones she claims - working on the buses and in the bomb factories. Maybe, just maybe...

This is an excellent film, and I regret not seeing it in the cinema when I could have. It might have been the Rolls Royce that Henderson drove everywhere, but it was probably more than that. The entire period - 1930s to early 40s is one of my favourites thanks to David Suchet and his Hercule Poirot portrayals. It's not easy to pull off a period piece because you know there's always going to be someone looking for mistakes. I can't say there weren't any mistakes in this film because I'm not one of the people who goes around looking for mistakes. The fact that film crews are up to the challenge of recreating sets and stuff is what I like most about these films.

The next film is Wolf Creek starring nobody with a household name, at least in my household, save one. John Jarratt previously of the best miniseries ever, because it plays in the 1930s and 40s, Tanamera - Lion of Singapore. Eeeeeee! Jarratt plays Mick Taylor, the bad guy. I thought I'd seen Jarratt before, but I'll admit I didn't know he was in Tanamera until I searched his name on imdb, but it you ever get a chance to see that series, do so. The film also starred Nathan Phillips as Ben, the Australian partygoer who hooks up with two unsuspecting English girls, played by Cassandra Magrath and Kestie Morassi as Liz and Kristy respectively.

Two of my former co-workers had just seen Hostel, and couldn't stop talking about how scary it was. One of my other former co-workers from New Zealand invited them to watch Wolf Creek. She said that when she watched it, she couldn't sleep for two days. The first two rented it and came back to work and had all kinds of questions about the real Wolfe Creek, and said the movie was so scary that they had a hard time sleeping. I was still under the impression that Wolf Creek took place in a hostel because its about the disappearance of some backpackers like in Hostel (I guess, I've never seen that one). Phooey. Yup.

I grabbed this one on Friday night because I needed a reason not to do my homework, and I promised Ali that I would stop the movie if it ever got scary. It starts out with Ben buying a used car which can only be described as a heap, and his mission is to travel from Broome to Wolf Creek by sundown the next night with 2 friends. Nursing big hangovers, the friends are kicking themselves because they are running late, but Ben is jazzed that he got a car for so cheap. They set out on a very realistic road trip. No slamming shooters in the back seat, no smoking of the marijuana, no eating of the White Castle hamburgers, just sleeping and general boredom. The triggers came back. Seeing Liz with her head propped up against the window with a pillow brought back memories of Quincy, California. Living my own nightmare as I watched these three drive unknowingly towards Quincy, umm I mean Wolf Creek, the scariness factors relies heavily on tension. Just stretches of highway and bluesy music on the soundtrack, but I was already on the edge of my seat waiting for their transmission to give out and sit helplessly as slack-jawed locals looked on as though they'd never seen a car before. Oh wait, that was California. In the movie, the trio drives to Emu Creek and fills the petrol tank. The only slightly scary part is when the three dudes inside the cafe try to pick a fight with Ben. So far not scary.

The beater makes its way to the Wolf Creek crater, where the three hapless youngsters go on a hike. With Kristy as accomplice, Ben makes a play for Liz. Oh, to be young (and stupid) again. You don't realize how much you've changed until you see other people doing what you did when you were a kid. It reminds you that you're not a kid anymore and you just end up wondering 'When the fuck did that happen?' So far, not scary. The superfriends make it back to the car only to find that the car won't start. Ooo, ooo. A little scary. No wait, I mean a little funny. Stupid Ben asks if the car is in gear. Stupid Ben. The car is clearly an automatic transmission as evidenced by the copious amounts of interior shots while driving down the highway. Stupid Ben. And it wasn't scary also because I knew that was going to happen. My co-workers mentioned it.

Okay, I don't know how it works in the Outback, but in California and Mexico the rule is - Unless you called for the tow truck, don't accept a tow from a truck that just shows up. Mick Taylor, not the Rolling Stones' guitarist, but the evil Outback monster drives up and offers to tow the kids to his camp. The tow scene was a little unrealistic. Take it from an offroader - in reality when the towing vehicle turns a corner, the winch doesn't turn with it, but rather maintains a straight line equal to the shortest distance between the two vehicles, assuming no slack. Clearly in the movie, Mick is turning corners and continuing on without waiting for the towed vehicle to coast up and also make the turn. Conceivably, this action would force the towed vehicle to cut corners, hitting ditches, boulders and roos. In reality, the towing vehicle should make the turn slightly, and wait for the towed vehicle to catch up. Then the winch should be restrung and the whole process should begin again.

Eventually, the two vehicles reach the camp, and everyone gets to know a little bit about Mick around the campfire. Then the three travelers drink rain water off the top. Stupids! Rule #2 of accepting tows from freaky tow truck drivers. Don't drink the rainwater. Drink whatever the freak drinks, but only if you have to. Next scene opens with Liz zip strapped in a toolshed. She rather easily gets out and hears Kristy being tortured by Mick in the workshop. She then sees that the beater has been stripped of its engine and that Ben is nowhere. She sneaks inside the workshop and again rather easily wrangles a gun. She shoots Taylor in the next, and snags the keys to his truck. Stupidly, she doesn't cut the guy's throat instead bizarrely choosing to give him love taps with the rifle butt. Okay, Rule #3 - Sisters before Misters. Liz + Kristy = 2/3 which is a pass in most books, so they should have just got the hell out of there. Nooooo! As the girls are trying to get Mick's truck out of the compound, he comes out with a shotgun, obviously invigorated by Liz' love taps. He takes two shots, you see two shells eject from the gun. Thanks to Enzo, even Ali knows that that particular shotgun can carry three shots. For some reason, possibly to make the movie last longer, Mick doesn't take the third shot. The girls get the hell out of there, but immediately realize they don't know where to go. They are chased by Mick to the edge of a cliff, and the girls wreck the truck to make it look like they drove over the edge.

Stupidly, the girls go back to the camp to look for Ben. As per rule #3, the tension now moves to anger. I just wanna punch Liz because she makes Kristy wait in the bushes while she loots Mick's cache and watches home movies. She goes back to the garage to fetch a car. She chooses, perhaps because its the only choice, the car nearest the exit. Of course, Mick is waiting in the back seat and stabs her through the back. In the special features, you see how they really do the shot. They actually dress a hog's torso in a shirt and film in close the knife coming through. So many tricks. He then gives Liz a home remedy spinal tap, which is maybe the sickest part of the whole movie, but still really not sick at all. Kristy reckons Liz isn't coming back so she takes off. Using the sun, she figures out which way is north and hightails it down the road. Stupidly, she runs on the black. Silly girl, run on the white. It's cooler. She manages to find a car coming toward her, and just when you think its Mick and Kristy won't know until its too late, you breathe easy because its just a friendly stupid old man. Rule #1 of picking up bloodied, bare-footed young ladies on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere: Let her in, but keep driving. Don't stop to open the boot to get her a cup of tea and a blanket, stupid. The girl is obviously in distress, and needs to get to a hospital. The old man doesn't even have time to close the boot before he gets one straight through the eye. Mick had been watching, and races down the highway in a right-side drive Monza (I think). Kristy jumps in the front seat of the old man's car and drives off, seemingly forgetting to remove the parking brake. Taylor easily catches up to her, but goof that he is, Kristy barges him into a ditch. I started to think maybe she had some wheelman potential, but it was too late. Mick pulls out his rifle and scope, and takes one shot at the tyres. Kristy goes careening off the verge. Mick shoots her close range not once, but twice. Something that Liz should have done back at the workshop. Now Mick has a dilemma. Three bodies, two cars. The best, pedestrian solution would be to make it look like a fiery collision. He might have done it with a single vehicle, I don't remember.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Ben comes to and realizes, like the dude before him, his goodies are about to become a dog's supper. Maybe this is the gross part that my ex co-workers were talking about, but I don't get it. Maybe its because I've seen worse things that actually happened, but the fact that Ben gazes upon the mutilated torso of a shop DUMMY fails to scare me. Ali of course, is under the covers trying not to watch. Ben summons the strength to easily pull himself out of a crucifix position, and escape. He trundles across the desert until the sun is eclipsed. He waits for morning and is eventually rescued by some very smart Swedish tourists who bundle him into the back of their Volkswagen van and take him to hospital.

The epilogue leaves the viewer to wonder if Mick Taylor ever existed. While the movie is based on true events, its written by someone who heard about the story from the point of view of the only surviving backpacker, Ben. Liz and Kristy were never found, and investigators found it hard to believe Ben's story. Taylor walks off into the sunset and fades out. So is Ben really a victim? I guess only the real Ben will ever know.

The third movie I saw started right after I finished watching the special features on Wolf Creek. I might have mentioned this film before, but Teddy Chan's Wan 9 Zhao 5 is a gem. I can't find this film on disc or video, and get laughed out of the local video store every time I ask for movies by Jordan, so I just wait for it to play on the local multilingual station. The film also stars Moses Chan, Farini Cheung, Nelson Cheung, Valerie Chow, Kar Sin Pak and Chow Yu Yau. Apart from a brief appearance in Chungking Express, I haven't seen Valerie Chow in other films, but I'm glad she got more screen time in this movie. She ain't hard to look at.

This film has to be one of the first ones I watched since I discovered that I can watch Cantonese movies without paying for cable. It's been played at least twice more since then and is the sixth film by United Filmmakers' Organization which came to its demise in 2002. I had never wanted to visit Hong Kong until I saw this film. Others I saw shortly after reinforced my plan to visit HK one day, perhaps too late now. Any film I had seen prior to that featuring HK always showed the icky parts and the seedy side of life. Wan 9 Zhao 5 or Twenty Something in English showed neither the seedy side, nor the extravagant side of HK, but rather a fair middle ground.

The film centers around a not-so-tightly knit group of friends that spend their days doing their various jobs and their nights hanging out in a club called Berlin. Several couples are formed in the group. Some of the friends leave town, ending the relationship, or somebody's girlfriend comes back from overseas or whatever, but the pairings in the group move so fast that at one point I lost track. One of the guys hooks up with a girl who is apparently part of the group, but she's never seen in the film again after they leave the club. Some friends are jealous and try to break up other couples, all the while some couples are trying to establish a future together. It's all quite dizzying, but I think that after all is said and done, only one couple ends up marrying, even though they had enough trouble of their own. I guess the point of the story is that the past is the past and there's no point in worrying about it. One of the friends dies accidentally during a hookup and everyone else realizes that its not fun anymore. Everyone kinda goes their separate ways as we do in life, but reunites a few months later at the wedding of the only surviving couple. No hard feelings. So good to see you. What have you been up to lately? Love your dress. Nice day for a wedding. They've all grown up and see that after all that has happened, they're all still friends.

I guess what I like so much about this film is that it reminds me a lot about many of my friends who hung out in clubs when we were younger. As for my friends who were too busy working or hanging out in libraries, well... We're all friends and we respect each other for who we are. Some of us chose to hang out in clubs, some of us chose not to. Most of us are still here, and that's fine. We don't get together as often as we'd like, but when we do its all good.

This weekend was a holiday and after much encouragement from Ali, I decided against my own instincts to take Baby's top off. Km. 5401, I found out the hard way that removing the hard top from a Jeep TJ is a two man job, something the owner's manual doesn't exactly want you to know. Kuso! I have to say that I'm very disappointed with some of the service I've had from Chrysler this weekend, reminiscent of events in Quincy, California. Everybody at Chrysler get so dumb so quick. I'm never going to take the hard top off again. The feelings of sickening dread are feelings I don't need. The realization that Baby may never be 100% again is also something I care not to think about. I bought Ali some flowers because my day had been so shitty and took her for a drive along the beach. I seemed okay, but after I dropped Ali at her apartment I began to worry again. I couldn't sleep, so I got up and quickly formulated a plan to get the top back on the Jeep. Luckily for me, the next day it worked. One of my neighbours, an old queen who is ever so helpful with car care, and a true friend, showed me how to cut and polish out most of the scratches resulting from the botched roof removal. Fastening it on however was a nightmare. One fuck up after another. By the end, I had purchased a new Torx driver, and hunted all over town for a specialty nut. No luck, but I guess 5 out of 6 ain't bad. Can't do anything more about it until Wednesday anyway, and by then I'll be too busy with my new job. I might be able to work something out, but that would require unusually quick traffic. Who knows? I have done it before.

Ali called her mum and told her about me. Her mum was mum, silent to be precise. This was interpreted as shock, but that is not always the case. I've had it where the silence is not shock, but rather a loss of words. In this case, however I think her mother is shocked. Which is good news because now I've got to like the younger sister and work extra hard to impress upon her that there's no reason for her mother to be shocked.