Next Stop... Bruges

Don't you hate those movies that have characters that tell you how they're going to finish, but they don't say they are going to finish, but then they finish that way? It's a little predictable. In Bruges is one of those movies, but it was awesome. Better than The Departed. I stand by that - you have to stick to your principles. It's better, because it has actual real actors and the story is a little easier to follow.

The movie opens with a narration by Colin Farrell, an actor I had managed to avoid on screen until now. I thought the narration was a big mistake. I was wrong, it just takes a little getting used to that guy's voice. The movie also stars Brendan Gleeson, Ralph Fiennes whom I haven't seen since The White Countess. I also saw him in The Constant Gardener, a novel by John Le Carré. I happen to be reading another book by Le Carré called Absolute Friends, the first book I've read since I was in Mexico many, many tequila-filled years ago. And the movie also stars that guy from The Stationmaster and Elf. I thought so but not really.

I guess even hitmen have jobs they don't like. You know like some people do jobs because they have to, or they feel they have to. I do accounts because I can make numbers sing and because I happen to like it. I always thought being a hitman would be a job like that because really, you don't ever have to do that job. This movie is about a couple of hitmen who are starting to not like their jobs anymore. Ray (Farrell) and Steve (Gleeson) are sent to Bruges by their boss to lay low for awhile. Apparently, their boss likes Bruges and doesn't understand why anyone wouldn't want to see it before they die. Harry thinks Bruges is like a fairy tale, or more precisely like a dream sequence - dum dum dum. Steve and Ray talk about how being in Bruges is a little "over-elaborate" as though elaborate is just normal for these guys. Harry (Fiennes), calls later to let Steve know that he has to kill his friend, Ray. Steve doesn't want to do it, but Ray messed up a job and killed a young boy as well as his intended target. Kids are a no-go for Harry and that kind of mistake doesn't go unpunished.

Steve is conflicted because he doesn't agree with Harry, and wants to let Ray correct the situation his own way. Ray is torn because he killed a little boy and doesn't think he's good enough to walk on earth anymore. I was kind of like that the other day. I was looking after Foxy, and I took my eye off of her for ten seconds because I also just happened to be trying to kill someone. Next thing I heard was Foxy's skull bouncing off the UPS. No problem, what I actually heard was the UPS knocking against the desk, and the bump on Foxy's head probably wasn't that bad. What freaked me out was not the crying, but the mark the UPS left on Foxy's temple. In med school, I saw a lot of head wounds but we never really looked at pediatrics. I actually thought maybe I'd cracked her occular cavity and that she might go blind, or that she might have concussion. I felt pretty bad, like badder than bad. Like Ray. But it turned out to be nothing. Ali sobbed and made me swear never to play Silent Assassin again. We didn't go to the hospital. There wasn't much swelling and a little mauve bruise on Foxy's temple, but she's fine.

I wanted to go see this movie with Randy, but he bailed because he's committed to bootcamp, and I recently let him know that I can't keep him occupied while his fiancée has her hen party. A party that Ali was requested to attend, requested vigourously but she declined because she's afraid of schlong and strippers, and also because her parents are coming in that day. So by consequence, I can't mind Randy because I too have to meet with the inlaws.

Harry becomes infuriated with Steve and travels to Bruges to sort things. Steve is tired of fighting and refuses to defend himself. Instead of killing Steve, Harry the snivelling rat shoots Steve in the leg, and then later again in the neck. Back to the beginning for a second, Ray meets a film tech, and ends up having a little fun with Chloe. Chloe is working on a film that features Jordan Prentice. Ray is fascinated by midgets and dwarves and despite inappropriate behaviour he manages to make friends with Jimmy the actor. Jimmy's in town filming a dream sequence.

Steve goes and gets the gun to kill Ray, and in a little bit of the surreal much like a lot of my life, the hitman ends up giving the arms dealer an English lesson. Steve goes to kill Ray and catches Ray trying to kill himself which he won't let him do. He also won't kill his quirky friend Ray and sends him off on a train instead. Previously, while on a date with Chloe Ray gets into it with a tourist who really, honestly was asking for it. Harry has gone to the arms dealer and obtained a gun and some "Dumb Dumbs", essentially incendiary bullets that explode after entry. On the train out of Bruges, Ray is spotted by police and sent back to Bruges. Steve doesn't know this and tells Harry that Ray is gone like my hair. Harry finds out that Ray is in Bruges, which makes Steve look like a liar so Harry shoots him in the neck and goes after Ray who happens to be very close by. Steve jumps off the belltower where he was shot because he can't chase after Harry but gets Ray's attention. Harry chases Ray back to their hotel where Steve has stashed a revolver, and the two of them end up in a stand off. Ray and Harry strike a gentlemen's agreement, but Ray is unable to escape and is again chased around Bruges with varying gunshot wounds. They stumble across the film set, and Jimmy recognizes his friend. He advances toward Ray, putting himself in the line of fire and ends up getting his head blown clear off. Special bullets. His costume makes it appear as though he is a little boy, and Harry thinks he has done the one thing that a killer should never do, so he blows his own head off. A little predictable at this point and kinda cheesy. The exact ending is unclear, which is what saves this film just as you think it's going to shit. Constant rips on Belgium and comparisons to Hell, and one jab at Tottenham Hotspur which only two people in the audience caught - me and the guy next to me - keep levity moving in the film. In fact, there was quite a lot of laughing in the audience. Not really something you expect in a movie about baby killers.

On the way out of the theatre, I bumped into one of the three people I had to fire a while back. It's a little odd the amount of people I bump into. All I can say is... awkwaaard! We kept it civil. She just finished watching No Country for Old Men which is high on my list. I didn't stick around to chit chat though. I hurried home, helped give the baby a bath and do this blog thing. It was a good evening.