Sex and a Movie, Without the Sex

So I’ve been a bit lazy in not getting this advance screening onto the intraweb, but I’ve got more important things to do. I have a baby you know. This week, I snatched a free pass to go see Run Fat Boy Run starring Simon Pegg as Dennis, and Thandie Newton as his ex-girlfriend Libby. Other main cast members include Hank Azaria as Wit, Dylan Moran as Gordon, Matthew Fenton as Jake, Harish Patel as Mr. (ready for it) Ghoshdashtidar. India de Beaufort as Maya, the landlord’s daughter plays a supporting role. Incidentally, Moran was also in Shaun of the Dead along with Peter Serafinowicz who was apparently in Run Fatboy Run somewhere. And who doesn’t remember Harish Patel’s performance as Roopchand in Mr. India? I’ll have to admit that I’ve seen that film (twice) and I don’t remember him.

I read some external reviews about this film before I dragged Randy out to see it with me, so I didn’t have high hopes. Firstly, Nick Frost, Simon Pegg’s oft cast co-star is nowhere in this movie. Shame. The movie didn’t need him, but it would have been nice to see his silly face pop up once in a while. The movie is David Schwimmer’s directorial debut in feature film, and the movie was okay. Just okay. The promo flyer called it the perfect date movie or something. I had a great metaphor for the okayness of this movie, but I forgot it. I hope Schwimmer gets it right next time. He’s a talented guy, he needs to show it.

My only real complaint about this film is that India de Beaufort did not play a bigger part. I am thankful however that Hank Azaria’s bigger part was kept off screen and the audience was instead treated to locker room shots of his backside.

Randy actually came to the theatre with enough time to spare. They always say that the show has been oversold to guarantee a full screening. Note: even selling surplus tickets still left this screening half empty. I have been back on coffee for a few weeks now, and as expected after consuming forty ounces that day, I was feeling a little stomach achy. Randy bought me some water and off we went to find our seats. I didn’t win any gift packs this time which is too bad too because one of the items was a soundtrack to the movie, which one reviewer said was pretty good. It was nice, but not as good as the soundtrack they use in Scott Baio is 45… and single and the sequel. Come on, I mean any soundtrack that uses Bronski Beat is an automatic winner. Oh, by the way I spent the whole movie thinking that Dylan Moran is Jarvis Cocker. It turns out, he’s not and Jarvis Cocker has not become an actor.

Randy scurried off to the toilets, while I had to endure previews of the new Sex and the City film. As far as I could tell, we’ve all already seen it – on the television. There was another preview, but I’ve slept since Wednesday so it’s hard to remember these things. This particular item of information was wiped out by a dream about the new (again) McRib sandwich, and trying to collect money from my friend Jeff Ooi. I’ve never actually met the real Jeff Ooi, but in the dream, Jeff Ooi was the name of an intern at the advertising agency who at the time was an aspiring actor who got all frantic one day because he hadn’t practiced his lines for an audition. I helped him run his lines. Apparently, he got the part because now he’s a big star. Back in present day dreamland, he’s like a big director or something, holding his own casting calls, and I see him handing out scripts to a queue of actresses. The little prick has MY script. I join the queue, only to be told that “today’s reading is for female roles only” by the very informative starlet in front of me. “Oh, I’m not here for the audition. I’m here to collect”. In my dreams, logic may not always present and in this scenario I had it that Jeff owed me money, and royalties on the script, even though it hadn’t even begun principal photography. The rest of the dream devolved into me playing smashy smashy with random objects in the immediate surroundings. The McRib thing is a totally different part of the dream, but I found it interesting that going back to McD’s after so many years’ absence, and all of a sudden I’m dreaming about their menu. I highly suspect that McD’s uses a mind control substance in their food. Or maybe this comes just from reading Kenny Sia's blog.

Anyway, the movie starts and we are greeted by really bad hair and such. Believe me, the one day you do not want to look like you were Lucky Pierre on Lucky Pierre Night at the gay bath house the night before, is the day of your wedding. Not only does Dennis have bad hair, he’s got a bad muzzle. I think that’s what it’s called. He and Gordon have not shaved on the day of the wedding. Lads, if there is only one day in your life that you choose to shave, make it the day of your wedding – if you choose to wed – because there will be pictures and stuff and it would make your wife, or your husband so happy. And in the next scene, we are treated to Dennis and Gordon five years later with the same stubble. See, Dennis ran from his own wedding and left Libby at the altar, pregnant. Probably not as pregnant as Ali, but you would never know it. Ali was so slim during her pregnancy, and Libby already looked pregnanter in the movie but you know, the camera does add ten pounds.

Dennis is now a single father with weekend visitation and we see him going to Libby’s to collect his son Jake and take him to Lord of the Rings. Libby warns Jake to get ready and as Jake yells back immediately “Ready!”, we see him standing in the salon fixated on the television wearing only a pair of rubber ears, slippers and his white pants – the English kind, not the American kind. Right away, I’m reminded of my brother Bobby, who was a big Star Wars fan. Jake even looks like Bobby at that age, except Bobby had all his teeth. When Dennis arrives at Libby’s flat, he meets Libby’s new boyfriend, Wit. He’s smarmy, but everyone gives him the benefit of the doubt.

Dennis has it in his head that he can get Libby back, and that it’s all a waiting game. Gordon tells him it’s not, and Libby confirms it by telling Dennis that he never committed to anything. Somehow, and I’m not sure quite how, Dennis figures if he can finish a marathon he will have finished something in his life and it should mean that Libby will take him back. I would have hoped that finishing or committing to something more permanent than a three hour race would be more what Libby meant. But really it’s all about the marathon because Wit is a marathoner and Dennis just wants to stick it to him.

So most of the movie features Dennis training. He doesn’t get very far with it on his own. Dennis’ friends and competitor all try to dissuade him in one way or another, and he eventually decides to pack it in. That is, until Gordon places a bet on Dennis. Now Dennis trains with his friend and coach Gordon, and his landlord and assistant coach Mr. Ghoshdashtidar. They had a chance to build on a lovely backstory with Mr. G but they didn’t. Too bad. Maya places a side bet with Dennis by telling him that he can finish the race and forget the back rent, or he can give up and have no place to live.

Dennis goes to Wit’s birthday party and sees his rival propose to Libby. She accepts and Dennis is gutted. Dennis decides again to pack it in and Maya packs him out. And lo, the role of Maya ends. The next morning, Dennis arrives late at the marathon, and among the sea of thousands of people, he is discovered by Wit. Wit decides to pull out all the stops, as if what he said to Dennis at the party was not enough. He sees that Dennis is unwaivering and actually keeping up with the others. Wit loses his nerve and takes out Dennis – much like a lumbering, fat classmate did to me in the upper fifth during the spring mile about 200 metres after the start. I continued, oblivious to the fact that my left elbow looked like hamburger and I was losing a lot of blood. This should have been easy for me. I got about a quarter down the course and couldn’t figure out why I was feeling weak and pukey. One of the course marshals told me my elbow was bleeding bad and pulled me off the run. Stupid fat fucker shouldn’t have been so far up the field anyway.

Just as it looks like Dennis is out of the race for good, he continues on a braced ankle and manages to have a television crew follow him to the end. Libby, watching the race on television gets confused about who is going to the hospital and goes because she thinks it’s Dennis. It’s not Dennis, it’s Wit. At the hospital, Wit loses it on Jake. I don’t necessarily feel it was inappropriate given the circumstances, but if somebody treated Foxy that way I would have done a lot worse than what Libby did. Back at home, she wakes up to the fact that Wit is a douchebag, and calls off the engagement. Dennis is still hobbling, inching toward the end of the race, and has a little dream sequence which wipes away any credibility the storyline may have had left. Libby and Jake go to the finish line to greet Dennis and help him overcome the Wall. He triumphs, even if he does finish last. He has finished the race. Gordon has cashed in on his bet, and Dennis has proven to himself that he can finish something. The movie ends with a forward jump to a few weeks later, obviously because Dennis can actually walk by this time, when Dennis asks Libby out for dinner. We see Gordon living on a yacht in France chatting up tourists. Dennis and Jake and Mr. G. play footy in the park. The graphics on the end credits were so annoying I didn’t even stay to read them all. David Walliams is a daft vegetarian in a cake shop.

Ali mentioned to me a few days ago that she has never seen Run Lola Run, so as a treat I went out on Tuesday and rented a copy. What soured it was that I also shlepped to three different locations looking for Nestlé Rolo Sundae dessert. All three locations were out, and one of the major grocery chains hinted that the product might be discontinued. Meh. I just wanted to get it for Ali. I was more mad at myself that I spent an hour looking for ice cream. Fool. Coincidentally, I was a fatboy running to the video store today just to get the DVD back in time.

I tried watching Zoolander last night, but fell asleep right before the walkoff scene. I had made quick work of 1.32L of Stella, and I believe that had something to do with my falling asleep. The movie actually looked pretty good up until the walkoff challenge, except that Will Ferrell was in it. I notice it's Vince Vaughn's birthday today. He was in the movie too.

Things have been pretty relaxed around the office. We've been closed to the public for a week of renovations that has somehow stretched into two weeks, and the boss is back in Japan visiting family - but not the happy kind of visit. I've finally managed to get four months of sales reconciled, and the only thing that made it suck was that there was no one left in the office to see it. It was 5:10. I was happy, nay relieved that it was finally done. It'll be smooth sailing from here on. Famous last words, right?

Foxy is growing quite quickly. She is trying to crawl, but can't quite get her legs out from under her. She's bumped her head a few times on the coffee table. Last week, during an impromptu fire drill at midnight, we met with some of our neighbours who offered to give us some bumper cushions they had fashioned for their coffee table. See how I used two of the three words in the English language that end in -shion in the same sentence? Anyway, the bumpers didn't suit our coffee table and Foxy liked them better to eat. At the weekend we went to the dollar store and bought some corner protectors, only you get what you pay for. The adhesive wasn't really adhesivey, it was silicone and only kept the bumpers from moving on their own. Worse, our coffee table has crowned edges and the bumpers were made for flat edges so they didn't sit flush. By the time Foxy came anywhere close to the coffee table again, the first thing she did was take one of the bumpers and stick it in her mouth. Two dollars down the toilet. She can stand as long as she can lean on stuff, and she recently began talking like Mini-Me in the Austin Powers series.