Syriana, Seriously?

Okay, I'm a little late to the party on this one, but I finally had the dosh and a reason to watch Syriana. The reason was because I had a date. You heard me, but I've been reminded that maybe dates are not the best thing to write about on the blog so I cut a lot of it out which is too bad because some of it was really funny like for example the music that plays in Heaven is the 12" single (instrumental) of Blue Monday by New Order. But just how I discovered that fact will have to remain unsaid. I mentioned Syriana in an earlier post, and have to say that it just missed my expectations. This is the film for which George Clooney gained between 30 and 40 pounds, and allegedly threatened suicide due to the excruciating pain he was in after breaking his brain, the membrane around his brain to be precise. And before I dismiss this movie, I qualify the dismissal by saying that it was limited because it had to adhere to the book See No Evil, and it would probably be a good idea to read the book first. I don't do it myself, due to a very disappointing experience with The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole. I read the book first, then watched the BBC series. Watch first, read later. Trust me.

In addition to George Clooney, Syriana stars Matt Damon (sans Ben), Amanda Peet, Christopher Plummer, Jeffrey Wright, Chris Cooper and Alexander Siddig. Watch for this guy. Apart from some Star Trek stuff, people might not know him. I'm calling his role in Syriana his breakthrough performance. The film basically follows four separate stories to a convergence. The film might have been better done in the same style as Lola Rennt, but then this story might get a little tedious.

I worked a half day and went by Ayako's workplace to say hi. She was working until 20:00, so I said I'd call her and take her to a movie. She asked me what kind of movie, thinking that I wanted to take her to those other movies. I told her that I hadn't decided, but that I would call her later. There were plenty of choices: Rumour Has It, Mrs. Henderson Presents, The Family Stone, Casanova and others. I wanted to see Mrs. Henderson because it was showing at a theatre that is shutting in a few months. The Family Stone only got two stars, and Ayako had never heard of Casanova so we went to see Syriana.

I went to collect Ayako downtown, but I hadn't even shaved. I was a little worried because I hadn't waxed in awhile either. My wax guy is too busy these days. All of a sudden he wants to be an opera star. Stupid wax guy. Who's gonna wax my bits now, Trey? Who? Seriously though, he's really talented and deserves to be on the stage.

We drove uptown to the "arthouse" cinema and then came the ominous question, "Are you members?" This is a red flag indicating that the movie goer is about to be financially Rogered. I replied no, and the clerk handed me some paperwork. After signing a second mortgage and pledging Baby as security, we were allowed in to the theatre. I spied a poster for Caché "coming soon". Hello?? This is why they think they can charge an arm and a leg for admission, but I just chuckled because Caché had already played at the other arthouse theatre downtown last month. At least that place has a legitimate reason for charging membership. They screen unrated films, and apparently there is a loophole that permits it as long as the screening is controlled, seen by a select group, "a club" if you will. Or at least that's the reason they gave, and it sounded plausible. Besides, I think Caché, starring the very talented, incredible Daniel Auteuil and also Juliette Binoche is already available on DVD. While we waited in the lobby, I complemented Ayako's coat and she looked through a copy of the local entertainment weekly. I showed her a piece written by an old school friend. I'm glad she's writing for that magazine, she's among good company - Sir Bob Geldof used to write for it back in the day before he started Boomtown Rats.

Like I said, I'm bad at watching films with other people and last night was no different. Ayako told me that she had seen The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe last week, so I figured she was okay with watching English movies. Well, Syriana features a variety of languages: English, French, Arabic, Farsi and Hindi (I think), and Ayako had trouble following so we chatted through most of the film in Japanese, just the kind of stuff that used to get Alphonse and me kicked out of the cinema. Ah, good times, good times. I asked Ayako if I should grow a moustache like Jeffrey Wright. She said maybe. I asked her if I should grow a beard like George Clooney. She said no.

George Clooney opens the film selling missiles in Tehran to a guy who looks like, and whose character has the same name as my old neighbour's husband, I'm just saying. Its later revealed that Clooney plays a State Department operative who is a bit of a black sheep. Matt Damon plays an economic advisor in Geneva who is married to Amanda Peet. Through a personal tragedy, Damon's character hooks up with a power hungry prince, played by Alexander Siddig. Christopher Plummer and Jeffrey Wright follow a story line in which Wright seeks to discover how Plummer's giant oil company failed to win concessions in the Persian Gulf. And yet another story documents the life of a migrant worker who decides that he can better serve Allah as a suicide bomber, and brings all the stories full-circle (sort of). Perhaps because the film jumped around so much (Washington, Maryland, Beirut, Tehran, Texas, Persian Gulf, French Riviera, New Jersey and back again), it was hard to build interest. The political intrigue and the tension fail to heighten, and in the end the good guys lose à la Layer Cake, and the greedy energy executives win. George Clooney and Siddig get blown to smithereens by a missile sent by the CIA. Damon was in the motorcade with Siddig, but he survives and wanders through the desert for 40 years. Oh wait, that's a different story. A bit of a happy ending for Damon: After his brush with death, he decides to pack it in and follow his wife back to the States. The suicide bombers use one of the missiles provided by Clooney at the start of the film to take out an American oil delegation, but Plummer and friends remain unscathed back in the States, and are in a position to profit from their friendship with the new Emir.

So I'm going to miss tonight's Cantonese movie A War Named Desire, which is a little sad because the adverts seemed pretty good, because of K-Bear's party. And I'll have to miss Bollywood's Woh 7 Din tomorrow on account of I have to shlep Bobby's Christmas stuff out to the suburbs. And so that brings an end to this blog for 2005. I endeavour to answer nagging questions like, "Why does peach-flavoured gum taste like shit?" and many others in the new year.

But for now, I'm going to sit back and enjoy some crêpes in my own little corner of Paris and listen to BBC6 ring in the new year on GMT.