The Constant Gardener

I never thought I'd do it, but I went and saw a movie tonight based solely on what I saw in the trailer. I have made the mistake of watching movies based on what the television commercials present, but trailers are a different story. Would I go and see the 40 Year Old Virgin based on the trailer? No. Don't get me wrong, it looks like it was probably a funny movie - except for people who happen to be ummmm, 40 year old virgins *hi* - but I get the feeling that once you see the trailer, you've seen the movie. By the way, fresh from his performance in "Lord of War", Nicolas Cage is starring in a movie called "The Weather Man". Not that I think he's a good actor or anything, but I might go and see his new movie.
I think cinemas have their own self-sustaining capital markets in a parallel universe with their own inflation rates or something, or maybe the people who set the prices for movies use some schedule they found at a cambio in Brazil in 1982. I paid $11.50 for a film tonight, and I swear it was double the price of the last film I saw like two months ago.
I'll admit the trailer for The Constant Gardener was good. You start watching it thinking its about some fruity librarian whose only friend is the aspidistra left behind by former tenants. And then it gets you - sweeping shots of African plains with pounding percussion and then more plants and then a little espionage and then a love interest. What else do you need? This guy ain't a librarian, and he ain't fruity (he IS Ralph Fiennes, so let's keep it in perspective, he's fruity but not so much). There's more, but I'll pepper the text with that stuff.
The cast is racked with a bunch of Hollywood nobodies, but then what is Hollywood anyway? I'm talking about none other than Bill Nighy from Shaun of the Dead, Donald Sumpter who would be a shoe-in for the role of Sir Frank Williams if they ever make a movie about him, and Pete Postlethwaite who I know from somewhere but can't figure it out even after scanning his filmography, and Rachel Weisz. She's supposed to be some kind of sex symbol or something, but I just don't get it. Maybe its because I've dated English women who are way sexier than her. I'm just sayin'. Oh, and look for Jeffrey Caine, the guy who wrote the screenplay as one of the club staff members: I think he tries to take Ralph Fiennes' luggage. Production crews always save a few bucks by getting writers to also act, but I wonder why they bother sometimes. How much would it take to cast an extra, like say for example Fred M. to play a luggage monkey? And a little shaz to the set designer who managed to make the SFU classroom complex look like the Nairobi hospital or vice versa. And a big shaz for the High Commission offices in Nairobi. Its like Philip Johnson said - Form is function.
Regarding the plot, I feel like such a dork because I knew that this film was based on a book and I still paid to see the film instead of at least going to the library to get the book for free first. Also, another dork moment for realizing who Ralph Fiennes looks like. You'd think I'd remember the face of the guy who took naked photos of my sister, a guy I've known for ten years EASY. I hate those little cues that trigger suppressed trauma (I should be used to it by now. I get like 15 or 16 a day). But noooo, it's not until I see Ralph Fiennes carrying a video camera in his hand, filming his naked (and pregnant) wife that it hits me, at which point I mutter "OMIGODnoWAAAAAY!" under my breath just loud enough to distract half the theatre. Charles J. He might even be the real Ralph Fiennes. I know for a fact that Charles J. is a pseudonym, and isn't it always interesting how he's never around when Ralph is busy filming? Back to plot. The film opens with a close-up of what you should never do in your sister's Jeep in Rocky Mountain House. See? Trigger. An overturned Rover is beached on a riverbed and then looted by the people who presumably caused it to overturn in the first place. Note to John LeCarre - Congratulations on the espionage. This is the first spy movie I've watched where I've seen stuff that I myself have never done, or someone I know hasn't had to do. It's a good thing too, because the stuff didn't work out in the end.
And there was even a little Paris-Dakar action in there for good measure, in a Ford Escort no less. They actually race those heaps in rallies across Europe, but then the English are the same people who brought us the Vauxhall Viva, the Lotus anything and various other nice but gutless cars. The only car the English should rally is the Cooper Mini, and I mean a real Cooper (not the BMW kind). Indeed, I saw a real one up for sale the other day. It was black with white racing stripes on the bonnet and coincidentally parked behind a sleek silver Peugeot. I wanted to bring the Mini home and give it a nice warm bowl of soup, but I just couldn't do it. Instead, I elbowed my way onto the train with a tear in my eye. In the film, the Escort matches up against an Isuzu Trooper, and wins - at least it got there first. Speaking of Cooper Minis, Ian S. is now a CGA - Big, big trigger. If anyone can make that link, the Manhattan's on me.The movie is fairly long, and worth every penny of the latte you'll have to skip. Opportunity cost. After 5 or 6 helpings of steaming hot White Guilt, the story creates a set-up which makes me think we're in for another crappy ending a la Layer Cake. Have you guys heard of Layer Cake? Ask me sometime. The ending of The Constant Gardener is kinda false, and the denouement takes a turn but only if for just a sec. Viewers are treated to an ending which is kinda good, kinda sucky but fairly realistic afterall. And isn't that what we all want when we go to the movies? Uhh, no. If that's what we wanted, The Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill would have been the highest-grossing piece of celluloid ever released. Honestly though, the ending left an opening which makes you wonder what happened next. What was in the package?
Another question that has been bothering me lately is why I never noticed that Jean Chretien's name sounds exactly the same as "Christian people" in French. It makes listening to the political panel on SRC re-runs very difficult. I took me a while to figure out whose agenda was which.