The Geminis

I didn't watch any films this week, well not in the cinema anyway, but I did catch a gem or two. It's been a whirlwind week, and I couldn't even think about watching movies at the weekend. I would have gone to see Walk the Line with Joaquin Phoenix, but its only on limited release in my city playing at only 2 locations neither of which are close to my flat. As a kid, I was never a big fan of Johnny Cash because he was a singer that my mom liked. What kid likes the same music as their mom? Well, my little brother loves Celine Dion like his mother, but that kid is exceptional. I really got into Johnny Cash when I saw him in an episode of Columbo. I never bought any of his albums, but I really liked his cover of Hurt by Nine Inch Nails. That, and listening to people talk about Cash on the radio for several hours made me appreciate his music a lot more.
Yesterday, I got up to start my Saturday at 7:30a.m. I hustled to class expecting a full day, but since we were ahead and half the class had already left by noon, the teacher let us all go. Sweet. That meant that I would be able to run home and print out the review package for my other course and rip across town to campus for the afternoon exam review session. Stupidly, I drove along 4th (my usual route) but on Saturday, 4th is jammed full of hippies and tourists who like to drive slowly and brake for no reason, turning left at uncontrolled intersections. Seriously people, you can buy wicker baskets and pot any day of the week. Please do it on days when I'm not trying to get someplace. I made it to campus with just enough time to get to class and find a seat. My stupid printer didn't print the review package in order, and there were plenty of packages provided at the lecture hall. Dammit.
As I drove home after the review, I decided that I would stop by my local highbrow video rental store and get Classe Tous Risques, but I had to vote first. I sped home to get my voter card that I had stupidly left on the coffee table instead of bringing it with me to campus. I voted. I totally forgot about renting a movie until I turned on the telly and was subjected to the Gemini Awards. As I courageously tried to prevent gagging, esophogeal spasms and accompanying vomit, I turned off the television and ran out. Why? Why bother with the Geminis? Its not like its a real award, but I guess it makes some important people feel better about working in Canadian television. Don't even get me started on the Junos.
With eyes blurred, and the slight saveur of bile in my mouth I raced blindly through the fog to the video store. I blurted out "Have you got Classe Tous Risques?" I guess my French pronunciation was a little too good for the clerk, because he was about to rent me Class Trip. As I caught my breath, I told him that it had Jean-Paul Belmondo in it.
"Spelling?"
Was I having a bad dream? Had I had a car accident, and was this what Hell was like?
"Ecoute, BEL-MON-DO", and then I sputtered, "It's also got Lino Ventura in it". So totally amazed at my own memory, the room began to spin and I fainted. As I came to, the helpful clerk gave me a nice grin, and said "You've been watching the Geminis, haven't you?"
Classe Tous Risques came out in 1960, and was reviewed in the Times this week for a re-release. Some other reader of the New York Times rented it before me, Bastard. I then proceeded to my second choice, Family Guy Presents: Stewie Griffin - The Untold Story. Strike two. All copies have been rented out since the DVD was released. I had the brill idea that I would finally rent the video that I had specially requested some 8 years ago. The store is the place to go for foreign films, and if they don't have it they will get it for you. No shit. I asked for a movie that wasn't obscure in Europe, but they didn't have it and as promised, found a copy which they bought and kept. Only I never bothered to rent it at the time, but I was going to keep my promise and yesterday was the day. I brought it up to the counter and the guy scanned it.
"$7.49"
"... Wha???" DVDs can be rented for $5.89 so why do I have to pay $7.49 for a lousy VHS?
"Yeeeeeeeeah. It's a red dot", the guy answered.
"What does that mean?"
"That means it's a rarity, irreplaceable, one-of-a-kind".
Strangely, now I felt guilty for requesting this movie in the first place. I had been it's whole reason for existing in the shop, punctuated by the fact that it was a rarity, and I had ignored it all these years. I had to rent it now. The all-star cast further mystified me as to its lack of popularity in America. Richard Bohringer, who played the dark, sage Gorodish in Diva, Philippe Noiret star of Les Ripoux, and Thierry Lhermitte, co-star in Les Ripoux. I just found out that Ripoux 3 was made. I have to see it now. Maybe another time. The film was pretty good, but there were some misogynistic undertones that I wasn't very happy with. Lhermitte plays a womanizer who catches his wife having a revenge affair. He goes to his uncle who is a judge. The uncle knows the perfect guy to knock off the wife, a guy that the judge had let off on two cases of murder some years before. That guy is Bohringer, whose character killed his wife and her boyfriend after a few accidents involving his biplane. The judge decides to blackmail Bohringer's character into doing the job. Along the way, the trio stop at a roadside cafeteria for a meal and witness a murder. A woman and her husband are sitting at another table, and as they try to size up the couple, the three men see the wife shoot her husband. My brother-in-law took my sister on a date to the gas station, twice. See what happens when you take your wife to the gas station for a date? They run off and give the wife an escape. Bohringer, a softy ends up scoring with the murderess, and then she goes on her way. Bohringer doesn't want to kill Lhermitte's wife. He doesn't have the same distaste for women that the judge and his nephew have. Eventually, they catch up with the wife, and Bohringer fakes the shooting. Back in France, Lhermitte begins to regret that his wife has been killed. Bohringer gets him to admit that he wants his wife back, and just like that there she is. She had been following the trio after the fake shooting, and waited to surprise her husband. Okay, the ending was a little trite, but that's French cinema.
A few minutes later, I started to watch a Cantonese film: I Want to be a Model, or in English: Supermodel. My local station plays Cantonese or Mandarin films on Saturday and Sunday nights, with a Bollywood vehicle thrown in on Sunday afternoon. It's one of only two stations that I get because I'm too cheap to get cable. I also refuse to get cable on principle, but that's a pretty weak argument. The reason I was watching the Geminis in the first place is because I only get two channels. When I first discovered this channel, I thought they played some really good Cantonese films. Good acting, good shooting and a little bit of a message thrown in for good measure. But lately, the movies have become crap. Last night's movie sounded like it might have a slim chance of being good, and since it starred Kar Yan Lam as the female lead I thought I'd watch it instead of Saturday Night Live. Lam is a hometown girl who traveled half way around the world to be famous. I have to admire that. This is the standard ugly duckling plot, but instead of using a ridiculous fat suit, Lam starts out a little heavier and then really loses about 20 pounds (I'm guessing) to become the belle of the ball. The film is quite campy, and Lam plays a police officer who busts a crooked ring of modeling promoters. After her success, she is hired to protect Hong Kong's top male model, Mandom and his buddies Freedom and Condom. See? Campy. Mandom is determined to win a pageant against his arch-rival, Hong Kong's number two model, Fantasy. As part of the competition, they have to have a walk off. The best catwalk wins, but there's a twist - its a tandem catwalk and as part of the bet, Fantasy gets to pick Mandom's partner. He picks Lam, the dowdy fake model. Mandom puts Lam on a crash course to modeling and after dieting, exercise, and make up lessons, he has created the next supermodel. Okay, I admit it. I fell asleep at this point. I don't know how the movie ends, but I liked the fact that they didn't use any fat suits and the message of being anorexic and such to be beautiful was flipped on the guys. I kind of wish I had stayed up.